“Transgenre” — The Story of Life!
(Classicalbanksy (Simon Roberts) reacts to Rick Beato’s video “The Road Taken.”)
This article actually started out earlier today, as a reaction to a wonderfully “life-affirming” video by RICK BEATO, which I highly recommend watching before you read this!
But, for some reason — perhaps because it’s too long — I couldn’t post this as a comment on YouTube, but wanted to communicate my reaction, so decided to post it here instead!
I had won a scholarship to music college in London, because I had a natural, quite pleasant tenor voice. Although my scholarship was vocal, I got the chance to study composition with John Gardner, who had briefly taught George Michael. In fact, at this point (1985–86) John was the expert witness on behalf of George and SONY, in a plagiarism case concerning “Last Christmas,” which was all over the tabloids at the time. Every Thursday afternoon, John would keep us on the edge of our seats, regaling us with all the inside knowledge from the goings-on in-court.
Fast-forward to 1997, and I’d signed with Pavarotti’s management company, at the height of my opera-singing career. I moved to Italy, thinking the world was at my feet.
Little did I know, that five years later I’d be sitting alone, in a hospital consultation room, in a foreign land, receiving a diagnosis — out of the blue — confirming that I was HIV+.
The sky caved in on my life, not least as that particular hospital went on to make what can best be described a “dogs breakfast” of my treatment, and I ended crawling back to the UK, with full blown AIDS. Much, much later, my Consultant told me I very nearly didn’t survive to the end of that year. My opera career, at that point, nothing more than a distant memory.
I started messing around with digital audio and music composition while hooked up to chemotherapy in hospital. I had a cracked copy of “Cool Edit Pro” and “Fruity Loops 7” on my Italian laptop. I couldn’t run both programs at the same time, as they would crash the laptop. I had no IT skills whatsoever, having spent years arrogantly proclaiming that opera singers had no need of computers! Boy, would I learn to eat those words!
I was terrified of dying, had time on my hands, and above all was desperate to find a substitute creative outlet. But, as I look back now, “Destiny, Fate” call it what you will, had already begun to intervene. After having ‘retired hurt’ from opera, I spent a year and a half between 2003 and 2005 working for Gian-Carlo Menotti, as his PA. I could spend hours writing about the privilege, the unique experience of working for GCM, and my eternal gratitude to Chip, his Son, for that opportunity. But that’s perhaps for another time. Suffice to say they don’t make people like Gian-Carlo anymore, and while I was totally unaware at the time, his influence on me to eventually decide to start composing seriously was profound, and I shall forever be in his debt.
But — there was a LONG way to go, before I could start thinking about finding my own “voice” as a composer! Back then — I’d never even seen a MIDI file before, had no clue about “production,” or “engineering,’ and I still had to figure out how a VST synth worked!
It took me six months — yes, I’m afraid six months — to complete my first remix using those two apps! I would literally write 1 bar of synth in FL, save the wav file, close FL, open Cool Edit, and place my 1 bar in the ‘wall’ of the production I was creating. It took “forever!”
Don’t ask me why, but I decided to choose Madonna’s “Ray of Light” as the track I wanted to remix!. In terms of music theory, it was a pretty easy one: The song famously only has one chord, as you know, and I thought that by writing a chromatic bass-line, I could extend the harmonic possibilities. Anyone “sane” would probably have left it at that. But given the circumstances, and my natural temperament, “rational sanity” was something of a struggle for me. I was in near panic most of the time, would burst into tears at the drop of a hat! And so, because this “mattered” to me, I suppose, I resolved — with my cracked copies of Cool Edit, and Fruity Loops 7, to try to create a production that at the very least gave William Orbit’s superb Madonna concept, a run for its money. And Bless Him, when I finished, I sent it to him — this was on “MySpace!” and he wrote back, and was very complimentary. I didn’t tell him how long it had taken me, or the fact I’d driven the nurses absolutely nuts, playing sections over and over again!!! But here, with all its “subjective” shortcomings and qualities, is my “Ray of Light” remix. And despite everything, or perhaps because of everything, I wouldn’t change a note!
After that, a couple of significant things happened. First of all, Danny Payne, a friend I’d recently met, who was, and still is, a fanatical “Independent Music” afficionado, had said “yes — absolutely — keep going!” when I’d played him something i was working on, andf wasn’t at all sure it was any good. I owe much of the tenacity I began to gather, in my determination to succeed, to that affirmation from Danny.
And, I think one of the beautiful points that I picked up from your video, Rick, is that we hardly ever “plan” things. It’s a series of seemingly random occurrences, that sort of conspire to deliver us to where we are today.
I’d recovered, sort of — physically at least — emtionally was another matter entriely, and was working as an opera singers’ agent, which meant I had no time to write at all. So I quit my job in 2012, bought an iMac, and did a course in Logic 9, as it was then. I was taught by a wonderful girl called Kate, who was the first “programmer” I’d ever met. She could explain in advance, in terms of the physics and “theory of Sound,” exactly what would happen if I moved the cut-off dial on Logic’s ES1 synthesiser either left or right, but couldn’t play a C major scale on the synth’s keyboard to save her life! I couldn’t quite understand how that was possible!
Then, in 2017, one Saturday night, I was sitting in front of my iMac, and noticed The Pet Shop Boys had just played a gig in Lucca, Italy — birthplace of Puccini — and had posted a tweet and photo of the end of the gig. I knew both the Theatre and Puccini Festival well, having sung at both many times. And I’d been a fan of the Pets since Day 1, listening to their first album, on the 69 bus, as I travelled from the Halls of Residence in South London, to The Royal Academy of Music in North-Central London. I fell into a sort of ‘reverie,’ and the following day, when I looked up at the screen, this track (since completed — and this is still just the demo, as I’m actually trying to get Neil and Chris onboard for the album) stared back at me:
That’s now going to be the title track of my debut album, “Transgenre,” which I had planned for this year, but am biding my time, until COVID is out of the way. My album “Transgenre” is in complete harmony with your video, celebrating not just “shifting musical genres,” or “bringing the art of opera to the art of pop,” as I like to call it, but also changing directions in Life itself. I was slowly learning to ‘forgive myself,’ to stop self-flaggelating, that something I’d always considered a “catastrophic error, lack of judgement, the worst example of self-harm imaginable” — was actually a “lesson.” A lesson in Life
And then — shortly afterwards — came “that track,” which I think I actually sent you at the time. “In Memoriam,” my George Michael Tribute. Totally unique, it’s written FROM GEORGE’S PERSPECTIVE. I think, had I made the decision to really get ‘serious’ about this ‘2nd career’ as a composer at that point, I wouldn’t have dared take the risk in writing a song that “pretends” to be by George himself!
Someone heard it, and put it on a Facebook playlist — this was before I’d even thought about releasing it — and I remember the weekend it started to go viral. I watched in amazement, as my “Friends count” on my Facebook profile, left the realms of normality — around 500–600 people I actually knew, and hit the 5k ceiling within 2 days — people I’d never heard of, from places I’d never been to! And here’s the crazy thing — the vast majority hadn’t even heard the track!! They were just following everybody else! I still haven’t quite worked that out — and I’m still trying to extricate all of them and move them out of my personal profile and onto the profile they should have been on. I wasn’t prepared for any of this!
“In Memoriam” came out in Feb this year, it’s on my Classicalbanksy Apple Music page:
and Spotify, and all the usual suspects.
I threw every penny I had at promoting it, (which given I’ve been back on Welfare since 2012, that was next to nothing), and it didn’t even touch the sides! In the history of “slow burners,” I have a feeling this track is going to smoulder for years!
To come full circle, last year I made my mainstream TV debut as media music composer, with a Royal Television Society-nominated score for ITV’s “Return to Belsen.” Don’t say anything to ITV, but here’s a link to the documentary:
This was a very special break for me, in so many ways. My Grandfather had been stationed at Belsen between June and October, 1945. The experience traumatised him so badly, he suffereed a breakdown shortly after being demobbed. Thankfully, he recovered, but could never bring himself to speak about Belsen. Our documentary “Return to Belsen” honours BOTH the Survivors, AND the Liberators.
It was written and presented by Jonathan Dimbleby, whose Father Richard Dimbleby’s eye-witness account had blown the lid off the true extent of the scale of the horror of the Camps, and what the Nazis had been doing. It caused a huge row at the BBC about whether to broadcast or not. In the end they did, and his incredible (now iconic) reports ricocheted around the world.
Working with a genius director, Simon Broughton (I really could not have asked for a better director!) I tried to create a score that melded a “quintessential Englishness,” a sort of pastiche Elgar, Parry, if you will, with a similar “impressionistic” style redolent of Mendelssohn, and a depiction of “European civilised Jewish culture.” And, with a nod in the direction of John Williams, and his ability to write sublime themes for film (something that seems to eb slowly disappearing, I notice), I wrote a cello solo, that I’d originally planned to use in a Requiem, alla Verdi — I suppose you could say, in memory of my father, died in 2012, after a long battle wit Cancer. He’d been a major driving force throughout my singing career, and I was distraught when he passed away.
So — from IC ward to RTS Award nomination (and btw — the likes of Lorne Balfe were also nominated — I didn’t stand a chance!) is — I think rather like your journey — an example of just how unexpectedly wonderful Life can actually turn out to be!
I’m due back at ITV for a followup project, on the life of the indomitable Anita Lasker-Wallfisch as we profile “The Cellist of Auschwitz,” and I’m thrilled to be working with Simon again on that. And I’m hoping that 2021–22 will give me the chance to get off Welfare, and back into the Workforce.
I’m reminded of a story about Whoopie Goldberg: apparently, she kept and framed her last Social Security cheque — to remind herself where she came from, and to stay grounded! I’m with Whoopie all the way!
Thanks for reading this, Rick, thanks for your wonderful channel, and much love from London xxx
